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Friday, January 23, 2015

Dating Los Angeles Style

This article was originally submitted to the Los Angeles Times but they didn't publish it. 
I could have used the $300 bucks. 

Oh Well... Here it is for you all to enjoy!


**names have been changed to protect and respect their privacy**




I started to cry in my doctor’s office after our discussion about getting pregnant at my advanced age. I wasn’t the only one, as I admitted my embarrassment she let me know she kept a box of tissues on her desk for that very reason. According to statistics, as a 42-year-old black female I have a better chance getting hit by lightening on Venice Beach than getting married. It seems that catching Ebola is more of a possibility than catching a man for me. As old fashioned as it may seem, I want to be married before I bring a child into the world. And at this point I am past the proverbial biological clock ticking, soon the biological clock alarm will sound.

I moved to Los Angeles from New York City in 2013. Surprisingly, I have found it incredibility difficult to connect with people in general let alone connect with possible guys to date. Some guys will agree to coffee or drinks and never confirm. The few that do confirm to meet up are looking for a friend with benefits. To complicate the dating issue even more, I am very open to dating interracially.  Even though I keep an open mind when considering a guy to date, some aren’t so open to dating a girl of my hue. However, not to be discouraged, I have continued to “put myself out there” and make things happen.

I have tried online dating countless times with no success. I have been on pretty much every popular and not so popular online dating site there is. But I decided to try again when I moved to Los Angeles. I joined Tinder after my sister sent me a link to the app. That was a big mistake. My time on tinder was short lived when several ‘gentlemen’ suggested a two am drive over to my place to ‘talk’.  I am not interested in a one-night stand. Thank you.

I started to reassess my situation. Could I be playing the dating game wrong? I had to reconsider what is important. Countless advice columns suggest single women over 40 should lower their standards to improve their dating options.  Unfortunately, I happen to be attracted to smart, funny, fit guys. Generally guys my age aren’t so fit. Despite my youthful and fit appearance I started to look out side the box and this is what happened...

I met Todd a 38-year-old sales executive on OK Cupid; we are both East Coast transplants and had a great phone conversation. I decided to meet him for drinks at an awesome place, The Bowery in Hollywood, which reminded me of New York City. I wore flats but towered over him at 5’4”. However, as much as I tried to force it, there was no chemistry between us.

I met Randy a 55-year-old software engineer at a Speed Dating event. During our five-minute speed date we had a great conversation. I wasn’t attracted to him at all but felt I should at least try. We met up at Perch with a table overlooking the beautiful DTLA skyline. This could have been a potentially romantic environment but it went south very quickly.  His insecurity seemed to get the best of him, he became a bit controlling and possessive, and it made me uncomfortable so I did not pursue a second date.

I tried a Lock and Key event at El Cid in Silverlake. The venue was excellent and so were the hors d'oeuvres provided with the price of admission. Every girl received a lock for the guys to unlock with their key. During the course of the evening I talked to as many guys as possible to see if they had the key to my lock and perhaps my heart. By the end of the night I had enough guys to open my lock to win two tickets to the Laemmle Theatre. Unfortunately I didn’t find a match so I will be going to the movies with me and myself.

As I began to think outside the box I realized the MeetUp groups I already frequented had plenty of single men. Since I started learning Italian recently, I joined an Italian conversation group. At one of the meetings I met Antonio, an avid soccer player, born and raised in Italy who was willing to help me practice speaking Italian. We met up for wine and cheese at Luna Vine Wine Bar. We had a lovely time and met up again. But all good things seem to come to an end as it relates to my dating life. He had to return to Italy indefinitely to help his family.


Ironically, it seems I have more luck with long distance dating. And I don’t mean dating a guy who lives as far away as Long Beach (I’m a Valley girl). I started dating a few guys who live across the Atlantic. The time zone difference alone makes it challenging to communicate. But as my biological alarm is soon to sound, I may need to consider the possibility that love could lead me away from Los Angeles. But the guy will have to be pretty special to tear me away from the city I have grown to love.