Can You Hear My Voice? Part 2

Can you hear YOUR voice?

I recently completed a meditation called "Finding Your Voice". During the meditation we were asked to make sounds in a state of relaxation without judgement and without regard for what sounds we created. I heard parts of my voice I never knew existed, the sensation was indescribable. It got me thinking further about whether or not my voice is authentic.

The only true voice I ever knew was the voice I used to make music. It was the only way I could express myself freely. And initially it was instrumental music that I used to express myself, specifically through the piano.

However, I desperately wanted to sing but my school choir directors didn't regard my voice. I went through all of my musical education thinking I could not sing. When I was finally chosen to sing the choir directors would put me in the alto section because I could read music. I believe the alto label was incorrect, but it followed me and I complied.

During my teens Madonna, Whitney Houston, Janet Jackson were all the rage (I'm dating myself here). I remember singing along trying my best to sound like each of them, and many of my peers did the same. As I started to work in Musical Theatre, I had to adjust my voice to appease the various musical styles. It was usually done in an unhealthy way. Nevermind throwing dancing in the mix with the singing.

I was attracted to classical singing later in life so all of the confusion I already had about my voice was compounded by expectations. Instead of letting my voice be what it was it had to have a label. And once it was labeled there were always the questions about what it was.

To further confuse my voice were the folks who thought I needed to sing like a black person (whatever that means). I already experienced judgement because I didn't talk like a black person (again, whatever that means). It just never made sense to me. I speak like ME and I sing like ME too.

Incidently, the singers we all know and love are those with a unique or authentic voice. Someone who speaks their truth in a way no one else can. Yet we rarely pursue that on our own, instead we try to copy those voices that do not belong to us.

So in conclusion, perhaps learning about ourselves can reveal more about our voices. The alternative is to let others define them for us. This can go a long way in not just singing or talking but also truly listening to our intuition and inner spirit.

Can you hear YOUR voice?

I Do, So I Teach

I've been undergoing a career transformation of sorts. After being let go from the third office job in a row, I started to feel a shift. This shift was encouraged by a visit to The Actor's Fund for career counseling. It is clear that right now performing doesn't pay all the bills so having a job to fill in the blanks is a necessity.

During my conversation with my career counselor she presented some options. She asked me with all sensitivity if performing is something I still wish to pursue, I said yes. Next, she offered a possible option. I know it should have seemed perfectly obvious that a parallel career is completely normal for performers but I was so sucked into the 9-5 vortex that it didn't occur to me.

Since 2007 in addition to the 9-5 job I teach a fine arts course online part time. Of all the 'non-performing' jobs I have had, this one doesn't leave me with fits of despair. Instead, I feel a sense of joy and fulfillment sharing my love for the arts with my students.

As a youth, teaching seemed undesirable largely due to the lack of positive teacher role models. I have had some pretty unsupportive teachers, with a few exceptions (whom I am extremely very grateful for). Because of those few exceptions, I try to pass on the gift they gave to others. It also didn't occur to me that I could be any good at teaching. As teaching began to cross my mind, I applied for a Teaching Fellows program twice, no luck. After graduate school I was accepted into a second Master's degree program in Early Childhood Music Education at Columbia University, but despite a $5,000 scholarship the tuition was still too high to absorb.

Besides, how does the saying go? Those who cannot do teach? I beg to differ...

I can do, and I do too! This is why I love to teach. If my passion for what I do as an artist wasn't apart of my life I wouldn't be able to teach at all. My love for the arts allows me to be passionate about what I teach. Believe me, they get it and thank me for it.

Thank you Sina!!! I started slow, but I ended up LOVING this class and started really getting interested in the arts!! - Scott S.

I just wanted to tell you that I have really enjoyed this class.  I'm bummed it is coming to an end! My desire is that I walk away from a class feeling like I gained new knowledge and I can really say that for this class! Thank you so much for being a part of my personal and academic growth!  - Elizabeth D.

I would like to thank you for being so understanding, I think you are one of the nicest instructors that have taught me how to open myself up to more culture.   - Renee L.

Within the last few months I have added two more online schools to my roster so I'll be doing alot more of my new or not so new parallel career. If only I was getting the 9-5 pay. Hopefully that will work itself out. Perhaps by doing more doing?

Black History IS American History

I always thought of myself as Black until my freshman year in college when people started calling me African American. I still find this perplexing as I know there is such thing as a Japanese American, a German American, or a Mexican American. In my opinion an African American is a person who  immigrated to America from Africa.

Black Americans did not immigrate here. We were brought here against our will. We built this country from the beginning. At the same time Native Americans (who are really the only ones who can truly call themselves Americans if in fact that is what they called this - their land) were here before any of us.

Since we built this land, in many cases were care givers to the early presidents, and have the same blood as the "founders" of this land through the forced or mutual sexual activities between slave and owner.

Why is our history segregated?

Why is our history squeezed into one month in the year?

Our history IS American History. Slavery IS apart of American History. The Civil Rights Movement IS apart of American History.

It seems that there could be or should be a re-thinking of how we teach our youth about history of all types. Music History, Art History, World History. Instead of focusing on the Western side of the story, can we integrate all of the stories? Can we see history from the point of view of the Native American, South African, Chinese, Brazilian?

During my education it was made clear that the only valid history was that belonging to the European and their descendants (even on this side of the pond). When I studied Music History in college and graduate school it was focused solely on Western tradition with a splash of World Music. If a student wanted to learn about World Music it was a separate class. Lumping all the rest of the world into a single class. As if to say this isn't the "real" or "mainstream" Music History. In fact, I'm really not sure why American schools focus so much on the European tradition anyway since our Music History is reflective of World Music with all the influences due to immigration and slavery.

I really wish we could stop segregating our stories. I wish we could see each of our histories as reflective and inverse to one another. A history of our people includes all of it. All stories. And not just a story to tell one month in the year.

Steal My Heart?

In honor of Valentine's Day month, I am coming to you in the flesh...

xoxoxo