2012...

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2011 Reflection

2011 started with a very unexpected yet exciting move. I was in a city lottery for a government subsidized apartment building that I totally forgot about until I got a call in December 2010. February 2011 I moved from Queens to Manhattan. A brand new building on top of it! What a change! And a test of faith since for one day in January I had leases signed for two apartments at once! Thank God someone rented my old apartment just in time!

2011 ended with the loss of my 4 ½ year gig at an investment firm. This loss was actually an answer to prayer. I remember the day I was laid off, I thought for the gazillionth time that week “I hate being here!” and in God’s wisdom He allowed me to be let go with a little bit of a severance package to float me through to the my next job (which is TBD).

It’s interesting how the biggest changes happened at the beginning and end of the year. Nice book ends I must admit! I had a great year...

• I made new friends. Because of my move I was able to host two parties in the summer! I missed having parties but because I lived in a studio I wasn’t able to entertain.

• I furthered my fitness goals. I am a lot stronger physically than I was last year at this time.  I hope to get even stronger this coming year.

• There’s nothing new in the relationship category. In fact, I had an interesting situation happen when I took matters into my own hands. I am single and happy but I would like to share my life with the man I will love eventually.

• I had some minor health issues. Sprained my wrist executing a left jab improperly. Sprained my left ankle at Ripley Grier Studios as I walked into a rehearsal. I was fitted for orthodics for my shoes to stop the bunions. I mustn’t forget the parasite I got from somewhere. That was so lovely. Meeting my new doctor for the first time and throwing up in his office. Nice. And my dentist discovered I grind/clench my teeth at night. This was HUGE since my chiropractor wondered why my neck adjustments were not lasting. Now I don’t feel like I have been fighting 12 large gladiator soldiers when I wake up. Thanks to my lovable bite guard!

• No year would be complete without a risk or two. I took a free fall stunt class in April. That was fun! But it was very scary. Despite my former flight attendant career, I am afraid of heights. Free falling from 5 stories was pretty interesting.  I took a lap dance class which may not seem risky but it took a bit of courage to express myself in this way. It was empowering and enlightening. I also, bought my first real couch with a bed inside! This was a risk because it represents a sense of stability in my life. After moving 5 times in the last 10 years buying a real couch is a risk.

• Travel was minimal this year since I didn’t have a ton of extra money to work with. I did get to attend my good friend’s wedding with my Mom in San Franciso. This was a very special time.

• Philanthropy is a huge interest of mine. There is so much need in this city and around the world. I wish I could help every single person in need. Here are a few organizations that can use help.

Food Network Food Festival Volunteer - This was an awesome opportunity to meet successful chefs. Because I was a volunteer I got to get into all the venues for free! The proceeds from the Food Network Food Festival went to The Foodbank of New York

Sanctuary for Families – I had the opportunity to attend their Gala Event with Grand Master Flash spinning the afterparty!

NYC Rescue Mission – I have been a supporter for many years. I was able to attend an open house and see what my support provided that year. It was a huge blessing to hear the men speak about how much the mission helped them recover and get back on their feet.

Bowery Mission Women’s Center – I actually volunteer at this center regularly. The ladies are such an encouragement.

Healing Hands of Joy  – a friend started this organization for women suffering from fistula. Because of this organization women have a chance to heal and see a joyful future.

Women in Need  – Another great organization to help NYC homeless women and children find work, and a safe home to live in.

World Vision – This organization helps so many people all over the world including the USA.

My career seemed to tread water this year. Although I believe I laid a foundation for the future.

Some of the highlights...

• I stood in line forever and auditioned for The Voice – I was able to sing my MJJ cover of “The Way you Make Me Feel” for Romeo Johnson MJJ’s former back up singer. I ended up recording the cover the following month. I was selected to sing in the trials of the Metropolitan Room Metrostar Challenge. Appeared in the VaShawn Mitchell music video “Nobody Greater”. I went to tons of EPA/ECC auditions. My favorite being for the musical Chicago. I will be Velma Kelly somewhere somehow. Broadway preferably. I performed in the Directing Actor’s Gym twice this year. It was a wonderful opportunity and allowed me to take risks as an actor. I also entered the Dallas Travers 42 day book a job challenge. Which lead to a huge breakthrough in my focus. I discovered who I am and how I should brand myself. What’s awesome about this is the confirmation I get from industry professionals. Looking forward to booking a co-star role on Law & Order SVU or a similar crime series. At the same time my goal is to be an action actor. Columbiana was a film that encouraged that goal. Seeing a woman of color in an action film confirmed the possibility. As a result, I joined the action project S.E.A.L.S. and had the opportunity to represent at ComicCon. Towards the end of 2011 I started training with Action Actors Academy. In December I started writing my own action film project. There’s also a bit of comedy in me too which will be interesting to see in 2012. I am on my way!

Besides performing I had the opportunity to watch actor’s perform. I saw The Mountain Top, Driving Miss Daisy (with a Q&A after the show by James Earl Jones!), Stickfly and Memphis (for the second time)!

Look out 2012! The year of ME!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Not Left or Right

I was a Republican. For about 6 years. After being a Democrat for many years before. I am more of an independent now but the real point of this statement is how I became a Republican.

I have mentioned in passing to some about my time spent in a strict legalistic Christian movement. Sometimes I refer to it as a cult. But that isn't exactly fair to those in the movement I removed myself from. Fact is, I know wonderful and kind Christians who live their lives in the way that Christ intended (or at least try to by the grace of God).

But there was a time when I wasn't a kind and loving Christian. Somehow I equated my new life in Christ as a complete denial of who I am and how God made me. I threw away all music that was secular, changed my wardrobe, stopped dancing, gave up my acting pursuits, decided to badger unbelieving friends and family with scripture. At a point I had no reference to anything in the world outside of church. So I had not way to relate to anyone outside of the church.

Something happened in that particular church. Something very hurtfut. It was a huge 'wake up call'. Although not enough to turn me away from the extreme changes to my life. Somehow the pain pushed me further into the extreme changes. The changes not imposed by God but by man. By religion.

When I decided to go to the college affiliated with the church I was a member of, that was the breaking point. I sincerely believe God sent me there. Just like He allowed me to be apart of the church movement I joined. But at this point I realized that the extreme legalistic living was not allowing me to truly experience God's love and healing. Instead I was in a constant state of a critical spirit. I sought man made perfection and approval instead of God.

So when I finally graduated I was convinced that I could not return to the church from which I came. I was really confused about who I was. At this point I morphed into someone I did not even know. Who was I? I still ask this question as I look back on pictures of the time I spent in the 'movement'.

Now I find myself on the opposite side of the spectrum. Or not exactly. Perhaps in the middle.

To conservative Christians, my choices and way of life would not be appreciated. I would be called a 'backslider' or maybe even a heathen. To the very liberal or nonbeliever I would be called closed minded or perhaps religious. Neither is correct at this point. So I find myself stuck inbetween two worlds...

Christ was too. He was critized for hanging out with tax collectors and other 'unsavory' types. Even His own denied Him. So in a way I understand that this is the way it will be. But it doesn't make it easy to connect and find likeminded people.

Which is why I have not been to church as regularly as I would like. I almost feel like I did when I first became a Christian. Unsure, hoping that they will accept who I am. For who God made me. I finally feel like I made others feel. This is humbling. But it is so difficult. To not find fellowship with anyone in particular.

So back to my political affiliation. As I watch the upcoming election coverage I find it hard to believe that I actually agreed with what those in my former party affiliation. And it is difficult to admit that I aligned myself with such conservative ideology. And yet I don't fully agree with the other side either. I am neither Left or Right. But dead Center.

And belonging nowhere in particular.

But at least I know who I am and trust that God will have His say in how I need to live, love, learn. Pray. I still believe in Him and do not apologize for that but I do apologize for falsely representing Him. May God have mercy.

In Love, In Christ...

Romans 8:28

Crazy Stupid Dating

9/11/11

My last flight as a UAL Flight Attendant was August 26, 2001. I was finally at peace with being on the job. I had been wrestling with leaving, as the job was emotionally and physically tiring. But for the last two years of my career, I had the opportunity to fly from NYC to San Francisco/ Los Angeles twice a week. That was a treat! 5 hours there and 4 hours back. 24 hour layovers on the west coast. Working 767 aircraft in the First Class Cabin. I had the chance to serve celebrities and high level executives. The most harrowing experience I had was an emergency landing in Denver that I helped execute as the first flight attendant. 


I had a two week vacation after that date. The original plan was to go to Italy with a Flight Attendant friend. But our plans changed and I ended up in my hometown of Southfield, Michigan. Actually, by this time I considered NYC my hometown. I still do. NYC, a city that I swore I never would consider moving to. A place that I have grown to love like no other. As much as I have fallen in love with places abroad, NYC still has a huge pull on my heart.


I remember my father waking me up on Tuesday, September 11 at around 9am or so. He says a plane crashed into one of the skyscrapers. I figured it was a small commuter plane or helicopter. But when I turned on the television my heart sank at the sight! I saw a plane that was clearly a UAL aircraft crash into the WTC. This was no mistake. 


For the next few days I didn't go anywhere, just sat and watched the news. I emailed my close friends and church family checking to see how they were doing. Most of them were worried that I was on one of the planes. Trying to wrap my mind around this awfulness proved futile. The sickness of the way these people were killed hurt deeply. 


Where was God?


In the days and months that followed, stories of survival and resilience encouraged my heart. Then I realized what man means for evil...


As many people who did perish that day there were many who survived despite the odds. As I started reading the recent 9/11 10 year anniversary issue of New York Magazine the stories are so heart wrenching and I feel silly even trying to articulate my personal pain and grief. 


What I do know is that I was spared. I flew those planes, those routes, first class cabin near the cockpit. I shutter at the thought of what happened on those planes to the crew and the helpless passengers. The people working in the buildings that day who had no idea. How all of our lives have changed since then. 


I lost my job after that, started to rebuild and ask God what He wanted me to do with my life. Of course this was nothing compared to the rebuilding our nation and the victims had to endure. Again, my struggles with 9/11 are pretty futile compared to the thousands of children who lost their parents, spouses who lost their mates, mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers. Friends. But somehow I feel their pain each time I look to where the towers were. Each time the clear blue skies of Fall appear. Each time I hear a plane fly overhead. I know I will never forget.

Romans 8:28 

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Musing...

A field of flowers lies along a path of peaceful green grass.

 Flowers grow to be beautiful there.

A special daisy more beautiful than the others.

Loved to lie tranquilly with the other daisies.

Several pass to observe the flowers as they blow in the wind.

Some admire, others stop to stare, a few stop to pick a daisy

The special daisy was picked from the ground without warning.

At first she was afraid but he seemed kind so she didn't worry.

But he did not take care for her.

He didn't water her or protect her.

He didn't love her.

He trampled her beautiful petals.

He left her along the path far from the other daisies.

He left her in a field of roses

They were not peaceful as the daisies.

They were prickly and arrogant.

Distant and cold.

The daisy did not fit in.

She was not as beautiful as she once was.

Her petals were withered her face sad.

Several pass to observe the flowers as they blow in the wind.

Some admire, others stop to stare, a few stop to pick a daisy

The daisy dreamed she could return to the peaceful green grass.

One stopped and stared then knelt down and gently picked her.

She was afraid.

Would he trample her like the other?

This time the one who stopped and picked her...

Loved her, protected her, and returned her to the peaceful green grass

The End