CrossFit

Thinking this blog should be renamed to include fitness somehow. Fitness has increasingly become a HUGE part of who I am.

Two years ago when I realized my metabolism was changing for a third time in my life I got very serious about getting my body together. Now that I have hit a milestone age it has become even more important to stay on top of things.

Don't get me wrong, it's not only for vanity sake. Now I can run up a pair of Subway stairs without getting winded. This was not true two years ago. My knees don't hurt, my back doesn't ache. And ok so yes for vanity sake I am wearing a size two again.

EAT! And yes, I still eat and make yummy foods. Now I must make my own foods all the time since the no-process food rule is strictly in effect.

PRAY! Of course this blog would not be complete without sharing some spiritual truth from my life.

As I posted in a previous entry, I'm still getting through the dismantling of my former cult life. Still finding it hard to commit to a home church. I feel awful about this sometimes and other times I don't. One thing is true, my faith in GOD has not changed.

But just like the GOD I know, He showed up in a place I would not have expected.

Saturday - CrossFit. First, let me explain CrossFit to you. It's the most insane workout I have ever taken in my life. The physical feats that we complete are no less than brutal. I've seen strong guys just fall to the floor in exaustion. It's also addictive. Go figure.

On this particular Saturday the instructor decided to give us weighted bars to put on our backs and run around a huge Armory building. My weight was relatively light (45 lbs I'm guessing). But some other CrossFiters had upwards of 95 lbs. ON THEIR BACKS! After we got back from running we had to complete 30 various squat exercises. This happened a total of three times. He didn't tell us that from the beginning, he never does or else we will get our minds all messed up and quit.

AGGGGGG!

At my second run around the Armory. Realizing that I don't pray nearly enough during these insane exercises. I began to pray. When I prayed I was given the following...

Christ carried a Cross uphill after being beaten bloody, that weighed more than this weighted bar you're carrying. He did that for you.

WHAATTT?!?! WOW!

Then I ran further saying outloud YES! THANK YOU! I kid you not, then I see a thorn on the ground as I ran towards the finish line. After getting through the squats realizing I had to do this again I continued to pray and God kept giving me spiritual truths to get through this brutal exercise. "I can do all things through Christ" etc.

At one point I started getting all teary over this spiritual experience. I WAS HAVING CHURCH! WORSHIP right there during this class. I ran the last lap with more energy and speed than the first!

AMEN!

At the conclusion I thought to myself. That's right this certainly was CROSS.FIT.

Lesson learned?

God will reach us where we are, and give us life lessons whether or not we sit in a pew or attend an exercise class. He's everywhere! I still need to get myself into a church but God knows that too. Thankful for the way he worked during my class on Saturday. My God is real! Amen...

S.E.A.L.S Domestic Warfare Final Trailer

A Year and A Decade

It's interesting how age and time changes things. Changes what is important and what isn't. Who should be included in my life and who should not.

I find that as the years go by, I have less of a desire to allow negative and damaging influences into my life. I am not at all perfect but I do know how I like to be treated.

There are not too many people in this world that I trust. The few I trust aren't even trustworthy. I'm sure they would agree if they are aware of the human condition.  Jealousy, hate, selfishness. They get in the way. And not one of us can say we do not possess these flaws. Not one.

And they hurt people.

None of us can avoid hurt in life. However, when hurtful warning signs arise one must listen to that still small voice and make distance. Physical or otherwise.

I want to be close to those who will lift up instead of drag down, who encourage instead of discourage. Who speak words of positivity and love instead of negativity and malice.

Is that too much to ask?

Do people like this exist?

Are there people who do not resemble leeches out there?

If so then I want more and more leechlessness in my life.

And I want to be more of that too!

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

2012...

Watch this!

2011 Reflection

2011 started with a very unexpected yet exciting move. I was in a city lottery for a government subsidized apartment building that I totally forgot about until I got a call in December 2010. February 2011 I moved from Queens to Manhattan. A brand new building on top of it! What a change! And a test of faith since for one day in January I had leases signed for two apartments at once! Thank God someone rented my old apartment just in time!

2011 ended with the loss of my 4 ½ year gig at an investment firm. This loss was actually an answer to prayer. I remember the day I was laid off, I thought for the gazillionth time that week “I hate being here!” and in God’s wisdom He allowed me to be let go with a little bit of a severance package to float me through to the my next job (which is TBD).

It’s interesting how the biggest changes happened at the beginning and end of the year. Nice book ends I must admit! I had a great year...

• I made new friends. Because of my move I was able to host two parties in the summer! I missed having parties but because I lived in a studio I wasn’t able to entertain.

• I furthered my fitness goals. I am a lot stronger physically than I was last year at this time.  I hope to get even stronger this coming year.

• There’s nothing new in the relationship category. In fact, I had an interesting situation happen when I took matters into my own hands. I am single and happy but I would like to share my life with the man I will love eventually.

• I had some minor health issues. Sprained my wrist executing a left jab improperly. Sprained my left ankle at Ripley Grier Studios as I walked into a rehearsal. I was fitted for orthodics for my shoes to stop the bunions. I mustn’t forget the parasite I got from somewhere. That was so lovely. Meeting my new doctor for the first time and throwing up in his office. Nice. And my dentist discovered I grind/clench my teeth at night. This was HUGE since my chiropractor wondered why my neck adjustments were not lasting. Now I don’t feel like I have been fighting 12 large gladiator soldiers when I wake up. Thanks to my lovable bite guard!

• No year would be complete without a risk or two. I took a free fall stunt class in April. That was fun! But it was very scary. Despite my former flight attendant career, I am afraid of heights. Free falling from 5 stories was pretty interesting.  I took a lap dance class which may not seem risky but it took a bit of courage to express myself in this way. It was empowering and enlightening. I also, bought my first real couch with a bed inside! This was a risk because it represents a sense of stability in my life. After moving 5 times in the last 10 years buying a real couch is a risk.

• Travel was minimal this year since I didn’t have a ton of extra money to work with. I did get to attend my good friend’s wedding with my Mom in San Franciso. This was a very special time.

• Philanthropy is a huge interest of mine. There is so much need in this city and around the world. I wish I could help every single person in need. Here are a few organizations that can use help.

Food Network Food Festival Volunteer - This was an awesome opportunity to meet successful chefs. Because I was a volunteer I got to get into all the venues for free! The proceeds from the Food Network Food Festival went to The Foodbank of New York

Sanctuary for Families – I had the opportunity to attend their Gala Event with Grand Master Flash spinning the afterparty!

NYC Rescue Mission – I have been a supporter for many years. I was able to attend an open house and see what my support provided that year. It was a huge blessing to hear the men speak about how much the mission helped them recover and get back on their feet.

Bowery Mission Women’s Center – I actually volunteer at this center regularly. The ladies are such an encouragement.

Healing Hands of Joy  – a friend started this organization for women suffering from fistula. Because of this organization women have a chance to heal and see a joyful future.

Women in Need  – Another great organization to help NYC homeless women and children find work, and a safe home to live in.

World Vision – This organization helps so many people all over the world including the USA.

My career seemed to tread water this year. Although I believe I laid a foundation for the future.

Some of the highlights...

• I stood in line forever and auditioned for The Voice – I was able to sing my MJJ cover of “The Way you Make Me Feel” for Romeo Johnson MJJ’s former back up singer. I ended up recording the cover the following month. I was selected to sing in the trials of the Metropolitan Room Metrostar Challenge. Appeared in the VaShawn Mitchell music video “Nobody Greater”. I went to tons of EPA/ECC auditions. My favorite being for the musical Chicago. I will be Velma Kelly somewhere somehow. Broadway preferably. I performed in the Directing Actor’s Gym twice this year. It was a wonderful opportunity and allowed me to take risks as an actor. I also entered the Dallas Travers 42 day book a job challenge. Which lead to a huge breakthrough in my focus. I discovered who I am and how I should brand myself. What’s awesome about this is the confirmation I get from industry professionals. Looking forward to booking a co-star role on Law & Order SVU or a similar crime series. At the same time my goal is to be an action actor. Columbiana was a film that encouraged that goal. Seeing a woman of color in an action film confirmed the possibility. As a result, I joined the action project S.E.A.L.S. and had the opportunity to represent at ComicCon. Towards the end of 2011 I started training with Action Actors Academy. In December I started writing my own action film project. There’s also a bit of comedy in me too which will be interesting to see in 2012. I am on my way!

Besides performing I had the opportunity to watch actor’s perform. I saw The Mountain Top, Driving Miss Daisy (with a Q&A after the show by James Earl Jones!), Stickfly and Memphis (for the second time)!

Look out 2012! The year of ME!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Not Left or Right

I was a Republican. For about 6 years. After being a Democrat for many years before. I am more of an independent now but the real point of this statement is how I became a Republican.

I have mentioned in passing to some about my time spent in a strict legalistic Christian movement. Sometimes I refer to it as a cult. But that isn't exactly fair to those in the movement I removed myself from. Fact is, I know wonderful and kind Christians who live their lives in the way that Christ intended (or at least try to by the grace of God).

But there was a time when I wasn't a kind and loving Christian. Somehow I equated my new life in Christ as a complete denial of who I am and how God made me. I threw away all music that was secular, changed my wardrobe, stopped dancing, gave up my acting pursuits, decided to badger unbelieving friends and family with scripture. At a point I had no reference to anything in the world outside of church. So I had not way to relate to anyone outside of the church.

Something happened in that particular church. Something very hurtfut. It was a huge 'wake up call'. Although not enough to turn me away from the extreme changes to my life. Somehow the pain pushed me further into the extreme changes. The changes not imposed by God but by man. By religion.

When I decided to go to the college affiliated with the church I was a member of, that was the breaking point. I sincerely believe God sent me there. Just like He allowed me to be apart of the church movement I joined. But at this point I realized that the extreme legalistic living was not allowing me to truly experience God's love and healing. Instead I was in a constant state of a critical spirit. I sought man made perfection and approval instead of God.

So when I finally graduated I was convinced that I could not return to the church from which I came. I was really confused about who I was. At this point I morphed into someone I did not even know. Who was I? I still ask this question as I look back on pictures of the time I spent in the 'movement'.

Now I find myself on the opposite side of the spectrum. Or not exactly. Perhaps in the middle.

To conservative Christians, my choices and way of life would not be appreciated. I would be called a 'backslider' or maybe even a heathen. To the very liberal or nonbeliever I would be called closed minded or perhaps religious. Neither is correct at this point. So I find myself stuck inbetween two worlds...

Christ was too. He was critized for hanging out with tax collectors and other 'unsavory' types. Even His own denied Him. So in a way I understand that this is the way it will be. But it doesn't make it easy to connect and find likeminded people.

Which is why I have not been to church as regularly as I would like. I almost feel like I did when I first became a Christian. Unsure, hoping that they will accept who I am. For who God made me. I finally feel like I made others feel. This is humbling. But it is so difficult. To not find fellowship with anyone in particular.

So back to my political affiliation. As I watch the upcoming election coverage I find it hard to believe that I actually agreed with what those in my former party affiliation. And it is difficult to admit that I aligned myself with such conservative ideology. And yet I don't fully agree with the other side either. I am neither Left or Right. But dead Center.

And belonging nowhere in particular.

But at least I know who I am and trust that God will have His say in how I need to live, love, learn. Pray. I still believe in Him and do not apologize for that but I do apologize for falsely representing Him. May God have mercy.

In Love, In Christ...

Romans 8:28