To Facebook or NOT to Facebook?

Even though Facebook has been around for a relatively short amount of time, it seems like forever. Since Facebook has taken over the world it seems if you aren't on Facebook you don't exist. These days when people meet they say "I'll find you on Facebook" instead of "I'll call you!" Don't get me wrong, I love Facebook and what it has done for the world. But I wonder if a good thing can get out of hand?

I joined Facebook in 2006. I remember clearly because I was recuperating from major surgery, pretty much bed bound and bored. After I joined, I found a whole new world with old friends and acquaintances waiting to reconnect. And to get in my business.

For the most part my Facebook experience has been great, but there are a few problems I have with our increasing connection to Facebook and the disconnect from basic human interaction. Facebook isn't the only culprit, there are many technological reasons for the human disconnect. Be it texting, Twittering, Instagraming. Look around at how many heads are down and focused on tiny smartphone screens tunneling their lives into a less than 5 inch screen. A chiropractor's dream!

In fact, I tend to question and shy away from anything that creates a massive following without question. Not much for drinking the kool aid anymore. Besides, sometimes the BS factor involved in the whole scene is a little too much for me to stomach.

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Not everyone on Facebook is a friend. Even before Facebook I had very few friends so it perplexed me when my friend list increased to almost 1000 people. How can it be humanly possible to maintain any kind of intimacy when there are that many people on your friend list?

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There was a conservative religious phase I went through a few years back (I touched on this in a previous post). When I responded to a friend's post on Facebook a former religious leader saw my profile picture and questioned my friend about how I was dressed. Then went on to question my spiritual strength, and on and on. WAIT. Excuse me? Back in the day this person wouldn't have access to any of my pictures. I mean honestly that religious leader should not have been on Facebook if he listened to his own sermons. OUCH. Thank you Facebook.

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Have you ever had a Facebook friend shun you in the flesh? Kid you not, I had a friend on Facebook that I actually knew in the flesh before we became Facebook friends. However, when I saw this person in public they hardly acknowledged my existence. That is plain rude. Delete.

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Just because there are 20-30 friends in common between us, it doesn't mean WE should be Facebook friends. I stopped accepting requests from strangers no matter how many Facebook friends we had in common. I knew it was too much when someone yelled my name in the middle of Times Square, I turn around and didn't recognize the person. We were Facebook friends. Embarrassing!

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I always felt the need to censor myself, because inevitably there would be some smart ass who would hijack my status updates. Usually these were people I didn't know in person or many years had passed since we connected. Some of my posts were taken out of context or where misunderstood completely. This is when I discovered the limited and restricted profile functions.

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I am an actor and inevitably Facebook friend-ed actors or others in the industry. I could have been dead or held hostage by zombies but did they know? Nope. They are more interested in posting show information all over MY WALL. It's like going over to a friends' house without permission to paint their walls. A very ugly color. The nerve. Facebook can be less about friends and more about self promotion.

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Random messages from guys talking about "You're so beautiful, can we be friends?" Uh-NO. Then I had a guy I friend-ed because we had 30 friends in common only to delete him after inappropriate comments about sexuality in response to status updates that had nothing to do with sexuality. This is when I discovered the block feature.

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Speaking of blocking. I stopped allowing my profile to remain public because someone got a hold of my cell phone number on a mutual friends wall. She liked him and thought I did too so proceeded to text "he doesn't like you so why don't I stop commenting on his posts". O.K. Delete and BLOCK.

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This has brought me to my final conclusion. As I decrease my friend list to less than 35, one fact remains. Those who are my friends will be my friends regardless of our friendship status on Facebook. In fact, I think it will be a test of true friendship. I believe Facebook has made us lazy. "I wonder how Jane is doing? Well let me check her profile." click-click-click. 7 times out of 10 the status updates and profile posts don't tell the true story.

My use for Facebook will be for professional purposes. That way there is no confusion about how I approach my page and what content is appropriate. For me the boundary must be clear in order to maintain my sanity.

Thank you.

NYC ---> LA <---NYC

I miss New York City at times, alot less than I thought, but  nevertheless I miss it.

New York City was the last place I thought I would end up living. That's the funny thing about life; as Forest Gump would say "it's like a box of chocolates."

I ended up living in New York City not once but twice. 11.5 years total. At the time I didn't realize the impact that powerful city would have on my life. I still wonder how I ended up in New York City when I resisted it so much.

"Why would I move to a city where the apartments are the size of shoe boxes!" ~ Me

Most would agree New York City possesses an energy like no other. People walk faster, talk faster, work faster. The energy seems to pulse through the city like a drug. New York City is addictive. At first the city is overwhelming, too much to take in, but then those very attributes keeps one wanting more and more. The city that never sleeps. New York City snatched my heart and took it, kept it and held on. It's still holding on.

But alas, I have moved on. In a way I feel like an unfaithful lover or a newly divorced woman looking for a fresh start. I moved on to a sunnier, less addictive city. A slower, dreamier, WARMER city.

I committed the cardinal New Yorker sin. I moved to Los Angeles.

{Moment of silence}

Rewind many many years ago, after my time in undergrad at The University of Michigan, I was headed to LA after my stints at summer stock and Second City - Detroit respectively. LA was the place to go to be in the movies. And that's what I wanted. To be in the movies.

After my scouting trip out west I decided to make the move. I returned to Michigan, packed my car and planned to move in 2 weeks time. Then I got a call from United Airlines to attend flight attendant training in Chicago. I decided to take them up on that offer since they have a base in LA. I would have a job right off the bat. But my plan didn't work out as expected. The base in LA wasn't open so the only choices were: Chicago, Boston, or Philadelphia.

I chose Philadelphia. Chicago is way too cold and I didn't particularly like Boston when I visited. The City of Brotherly Love seemed to be a good pick. And that city was my pipeline to the Big Apple. It was a bit more practical than that, being the queen of practical. I was spending so much time in New York City taking acting classes that I thought... heck, let me just move there. So I put in my transfer to New York City and within the month it was final. Got my transfer and moved to New York City.

The rest is history, including my short stint in South Carolina concluding in the return to New York City.

I thought the last time I moved to New York City would be the last move for me ever! Plus I got more and more sucked into the power of New York City. And as a result, vowed never to move to Los Angeles. No matter how much I wanted to be in the movies.

Never say never. LA started whispering in my ear back in the spring of 2012. I tried to ignore it, after all I was exclusive with New York City. How could I betray him?

But those whispers got louder as I endured another job loss and rent increase. Also an unfortunate bout with Seasonal Affective Disorder in the Fall of 2012 really had an impact on the LA voice in my head. Finally, after my survey trip to LA in November, which occurred on the heels of Hurricane Sandy, I made up my mind. For the first time ever I dreaded returning to New York City. Shocking! At that point I knew I needed to break it off. But how?

Step by step I made arrangements and by February 2013 I was LA bound!

Unlike New York City, LA has grown on me at a slower pace. LA is the type of city that is pretty unassuming since the weather speaks for itself. But it also allows me to breath for a moment and take in all that there is. With the exception of the traffic, LA is wooing me quite gently. At every new discovery I fall more in love.

However, every now and then my old lover whispers my name and the tug on my heart begins again.

Finally, Olivia Pope!

I love Scandal.

And I know I'm not alone.

As an actress, this show has been a huge encouragement. Quality writing, a compelling story, well developed characters; a rare thing these days. I also tend to pay close attention to shows that include women of color.  At the same time, I have been confronted with the realization of the deep void of relatable characters during my television viewing life. Until now.

I had the rare opportunity to study the pilot script during an on-camera acting class. My teacher asked me to prepare the Olivia Pope scenes. From that first reading I could tell Scandal was going to be a phenomenal show. I was a fan even before it began. When I later found Kerry Washington would be Olivia Pope, I was overjoyed! I had just seen her in Race on Broadway, and even had the opportunity to audition for the role of Susan (understudy).

I remember relating to the Molly Ringwald characters in Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink.
Ally McBeal is another character I could relate to. As well as some Meg Ryan characters (You've Got Mail, Sleepless in Seattle, When Harry Met Sally)  However, none of these characters actually looked like me. I wondered would (or could) a woman of color ever be cast in a similar role?

There was a ray of light in a web series created by Issa Rae. The character in this project mirrored some of my life experiences, thoughts, and world views. And she is a woman of color! Would there be more of the same for women of color? Similarly, women like Mindy Kaling are making their unique voices heard despite the pervasive stereotypes imposed upon our hues.

Without discussing existing stereotypes (that gets old quick), I will say that in addition to the cultural stereotypes that our peers subject women of color to, the media tends to contribute to these stereotypes as well. I don't blame them, the formula is safe. It guarantees viewers and subsequently ratings. However, many of us have been alienated. I believe with the person of Olivia Pope, those of us who  have been alienated are able to finally relate to a strong, intelligent, successful woman yet vulnerable (with flaws like the rest of us!). In a way, this has made Scandal that much more lovable.

Until Season 3...

Walkin'

I recently celebrated my 3rd month anniversary in Los Angeles. Unfortunately, I realized that walking would cease to exist in the way that I was accustomed. I'm still lamenting over the loss of the extra calories burnt and mini cardio sessions.

Trading the NYC subway for the highway proved to be quite an adjustment. Especially considering traffic is horrendous here.

But all hope for walking didn't end completely. If there is a will there is a way!

Turns out my apartment is less than a quarter mile from Trader Joe's, Starbucks, Walgreen's, CVS, and the Salvation Army (which has half off all merchandise on Saturdays). As I walked to Trader Joe's I discovered a small strip mall with a pizzeria, meat market, dry cleaners, pastry shop, and kabob shop! Not to mention a 7-11. That's just in one direction. There are many other shops and stores nearby. And a quarter mile isn't a long walk at all considering my walks in New York City were much much longer.

I also discovered the center of town is only 1.5 miles away which takes a little under 20 minutes to walk. So I can walk to the gym, the mall, parks and a whole slew of places! And with the beautiful weather we have here, it's really a sin not to walk if time permits.

Walking is pleasant, great exercise and good for our planet. Imagine if more citizens decided to walk! Perhaps traffic wouldn't be as crazy.

Another awesome opportunity to walk materialized by accident. In order to meet new people I decided to check out groups on MeetUp. To my surprise; walking groups!!

Apparently, Los Angeles is filled with secret stairs from back in the days when public transportation and walking were normal (why oh why did it end?!?!). Anyway, there is a group that walks all around up and down the lost staircases. During our last MeetUp we walked 6 miles!

My new city is really awesome, and the biggest shame is all the things I miss while zipping around in the car (even though I do love her - Hi Hana!). On my various walks I have discovered so many gems that I wouldn't have had I stayed in my car.

WALKIN'!!!!

My quest for walking will not end! I will find more ways to walk in Los Angeles.

The Lost Stairs of Los Angeles. This used to be a creek...

You will never work in this town again....

Maybe I won't after all I have to get off my chest. Heck I'm not working in this town now! So here we go...

I have been in the entertainment business for most of my life. I didn't realize it was a business during the early days, but it actually was.

It became a business the minute my Mother started shelling out hundreds of bucks per month towards ballet, tap, jazz, and piano. That didn't include all the shoes, costumes, tights, and music books. Not to mention all the waiting around for me during lessons and classes (thank you Mommy!).

Money is always going to be an issue. In a business where 99% of those in the business are not employed IN the business of entertainment, it makes for a desperate situation.

Lately the scales have come off my eyes. Leading me to many questions...

1) Why do we allow people to judge us and as a result change to be what we think they want us to be? I remember when I was in pageants many coaches would tell us "Different set of judges will produce different winner results." Any of us could be winners. At any time. So why do we try so hard to be what they want us to be (or what we think at least) when each person has their own opinion of what is pleasing or acceptable or award worthy. It is a business yes, but sometimes the folks in the room just don't like how a particular performer looks, or dresses. Or they don't like the color of our skin.

2) Why do people think they can pay performers little to nothing for their skills yet pay other personnel for their time. I have been in projects where the actors don't get paid but the DP, Script Supervisor, CD and others behind the scenes get cash compensation. Not to say these people are not worthy of pay. But performers work hard at their craft just like anyone else in the business.

3) Why do we take abuse? I have been yelled at, sexually harassed, nearly assaulted and manipulated but teachers, directors, casting directors, and fellow performers. When I was sexually harassed I didn't
tell anyone because I was afraid I wouldn't get further in the business. There is no reason to take abuse at all. If taking abuse means I don't make this business a career, so be it.

4) Why do we feel the starving artist model is the only road for performers? We go without health insurance, take day jobs we hate, eat like birds, and basically live in poverty to support our dreams.

5) Speaking of supporting our dreams. Why do some teachers, schools, and workshops take advantage of the dreams we have by either charging extraordinary amounts of money for classes or guilting performers into taking classes. One cannot gauge how "devoted" a performer is to a career based on whether or not they take expensive classes. Not to say study isn't important. IT IS! But don't claim to be the only one with the answers. Or question a person's passion for a career based on their finances.

6) Why do fellow performers cut their eyes at "the competition" at auditions? Aren't we all in the same boat? To revisit question #1, if we know that the people in the room already have an idea of what they want, then all we can do is bring the best to the room and forget about the others in the waiting area. Heck make a friend, we need each other in this business.

7) Why do we feel we need to spend half our paycheck on the business? Last year I made $185.00 as an actor yet the expenses I put into the business was close to $1000. The year before that I made $75.00 but my outgoing expenses were close to $3000. What's wrong with this picture? I understand investing in business, but at a point something has to give. I could have spent that $3000 on student loans I still haven't paid off. This year I am not putting nearly as much as last year. I passionately want to make it in the business but at the same time I am not willing to go without health care or basic needs to pay for the business that isn't giving me a return on my investment.

Thank you and in the words of the eloquent Tosca (translated of course)...

I lived for art, I lived for love,

I never harmed a living soul!

Drops the mic...

10 months?

It has been awhile! I am so awful at blog upkeep! One reason is because I moved, more to come. Perhaps...

CrossFit

Thinking this blog should be renamed to include fitness somehow. Fitness has increasingly become a HUGE part of who I am.

Two years ago when I realized my metabolism was changing for a third time in my life I got very serious about getting my body together. Now that I have hit a milestone age it has become even more important to stay on top of things.

Don't get me wrong, it's not only for vanity sake. Now I can run up a pair of Subway stairs without getting winded. This was not true two years ago. My knees don't hurt, my back doesn't ache. And ok so yes for vanity sake I am wearing a size two again.

EAT! And yes, I still eat and make yummy foods. Now I must make my own foods all the time since the no-process food rule is strictly in effect.

PRAY! Of course this blog would not be complete without sharing some spiritual truth from my life.

As I posted in a previous entry, I'm still getting through the dismantling of my former cult life. Still finding it hard to commit to a home church. I feel awful about this sometimes and other times I don't. One thing is true, my faith in GOD has not changed.

But just like the GOD I know, He showed up in a place I would not have expected.

Saturday - CrossFit. First, let me explain CrossFit to you. It's the most insane workout I have ever taken in my life. The physical feats that we complete are no less than brutal. I've seen strong guys just fall to the floor in exaustion. It's also addictive. Go figure.

On this particular Saturday the instructor decided to give us weighted bars to put on our backs and run around a huge Armory building. My weight was relatively light (45 lbs I'm guessing). But some other CrossFiters had upwards of 95 lbs. ON THEIR BACKS! After we got back from running we had to complete 30 various squat exercises. This happened a total of three times. He didn't tell us that from the beginning, he never does or else we will get our minds all messed up and quit.

AGGGGGG!

At my second run around the Armory. Realizing that I don't pray nearly enough during these insane exercises. I began to pray. When I prayed I was given the following...

Christ carried a Cross uphill after being beaten bloody, that weighed more than this weighted bar you're carrying. He did that for you.

WHAATTT?!?! WOW!

Then I ran further saying outloud YES! THANK YOU! I kid you not, then I see a thorn on the ground as I ran towards the finish line. After getting through the squats realizing I had to do this again I continued to pray and God kept giving me spiritual truths to get through this brutal exercise. "I can do all things through Christ" etc.

At one point I started getting all teary over this spiritual experience. I WAS HAVING CHURCH! WORSHIP right there during this class. I ran the last lap with more energy and speed than the first!

AMEN!

At the conclusion I thought to myself. That's right this certainly was CROSS.FIT.

Lesson learned?

God will reach us where we are, and give us life lessons whether or not we sit in a pew or attend an exercise class. He's everywhere! I still need to get myself into a church but God knows that too. Thankful for the way he worked during my class on Saturday. My God is real! Amen...