Rescue!

I am such a sucker for animal rescue stories. One particular group I follow closely is Hopes For Paws.

Here is a video from one of their rescues...

If you watched the video you noticed that the poor dog was so afraid of another human hurting her that she growled and snapped to protect herself. She thought her rescuer was like all the other humans, mean and abusive. 

Those of us looking at the situation from the outside know this particular human is going to love and care for this dog. But how is the dog to know? Especially when that's all she knew? 

But then at the end of the video you see her running, playing and socializing like she had never been hurt before. The happy ending is my favorite part.

I feel like that scared dog. I have been hurt over and over, I distrust other humans. Specifically, male humans. But female humans are pretty mean too. I growl and bite on the inside. I have a nice shiny steel plate over my heart. To protect me from the bad ones, and the good ones too.

It's sad because I really would like a happy ending like this dog but I have no idea which human is going to be the nice one. They seem charming, respectful and kind. But they turn, leaving me like this poor dog. Scared and distrustful.

This human needs a Hopes For Paws. Or maybe Hopes for Hands and Feet since I don't have paws...

I want a puppy.

Through the Pain

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8

The bottle is huge, the book is thick. My share of sorrow is expansive. I'm sure a lot of yours too. There's an ocean of tears. None of us are immune to pain, sorrow, disappointment, hurt, and betrayal. 

It's what we do through the pain that matters. The pathway between the initial "strike" or "infliction" and the joy on the other side. It's a murky and foggy time. The light peeks through the dark long enough for temporary relief but then the wave of pain and remembrance returns. 

The bounce from one extreme to another never really ends. But there is the other side. The side that allows a new beginning. The new normal.

Just like a physical wound, the healing seems all done from the outside, but we soon realize the scars are deep. Very deep. Fragile. If we aren't careful another strike can re-open the wound. 

But then there's the scar tissue. It never goes away completely. But we get stronger and stronger. We learn from the pain or simply accept this as part of our journey. 

We grow.

To finally burst through takes courage, it takes work and energy. To stay in the pain may seem the only option for awhile, however that state isn't how life was intended. 

Through the pain is the way. 

Past the pain is the way. 

Beyond the pain. 

To joy.

Allow the journey through the pain. Your Creator takes note and knows. 

Know Your Worth!

This awesome site Baggage Reclaim has helped me immensely these last few months. Today I read this...

"People don’t always value others or even their things. That doesn’t mean that the person or the object lacks value – it just means that the person doesn’t value it because of their own relationship with themselves and their value system".


And...

"Don’t make judgements about you based on a perspective gained from being treated in a less than manner – spend more time regaining your sense of self and nurturing you, than you do trying to legitimise crappy treatment by ripping your character apart".

I have crazy expensive taste. It never fails, I manage to pick up the most expensive item at the department store. It can be quite frustrating being on a tight budget. At the same time I often shop at Goodwill. Not long ago I found a Barneys New York blazer. To the unaware shopper the blazer probably looked like any other. However, the blazer retails for close to $400.00. I bought it for $7.99.

Just like the blazer, I find others may not recognize my worth. But I know my worth. I also know there are a few that can identify my worth. Those who identify my worth are in for a treat.

YOU are invaluable, know your worth!

I'm Coming Out...

I thought we had come a long way since Loving v. Virginia until I heard that two high profile women Lanisha Cole and Tamera Mowry experienced backlash as a result of their interracial relationships. The backlash was primarily from African Americans which was especially disappointing.

With such a high percentage of unmarried African American women, why not look outside the box? And why blame them for doing so? Most important, why question the power of love which reaches far beyond race, culture or creed.

Perhaps there isn't an attraction, I will give them that. But for me that isn't an issue. I simply find myself attracted to Caucasian men. I have dated men of various races/cultures of course but somehow I cannot deny my attraction.

This picture below represents my "type". Put these guys in a blender and you have my dream come true! So there you have it, I'm out of the closet.

Happy Birthday! To ME...

A girl never tells her age, but...

2014 is the year I head into the 7th cycle of my life. The theory states that all humans go through changes in 7 year intervals. If you count from age 0-7 that would be one cycle and so on. 

It didn't seem feasible until I did further research in relation to my own life. I found that I could pinpoint the changes in my life at every 7 year cycle. For instance, the last cycle that will end on my birthday this year was a cycle of Spiritual awakening. This is absolutely true, these last 7 years have been a journey into who God means to me.

The coming cycle is one of continued individuality, specifically living life on my own terms. The next 7 years may bring decisions that would seem contrary to my personality or character. Instead it's the culmination of all my life experiences, observations and lessons informing these decisions.

What some would call a mid-life crisis, I call a mid-life awakening.

Here's to the journey...

Can You Hear My Voice? Part 2

Can you hear YOUR voice?

I recently completed a meditation called "Finding Your Voice". During the meditation we were asked to make sounds in a state of relaxation without judgement and without regard for what sounds we created. I heard parts of my voice I never knew existed, the sensation was indescribable. It got me thinking further about whether or not my voice is authentic.

The only true voice I ever knew was the voice I used to make music. It was the only way I could express myself freely. And initially it was instrumental music that I used to express myself, specifically through the piano.

However, I desperately wanted to sing but my school choir directors didn't regard my voice. I went through all of my musical education thinking I could not sing. When I was finally chosen to sing the choir directors would put me in the alto section because I could read music. I believe the alto label was incorrect, but it followed me and I complied.

During my teens Madonna, Whitney Houston, Janet Jackson were all the rage (I'm dating myself here). I remember singing along trying my best to sound like each of them, and many of my peers did the same. As I started to work in Musical Theatre, I had to adjust my voice to appease the various musical styles. It was usually done in an unhealthy way. Nevermind throwing dancing in the mix with the singing.

I was attracted to classical singing later in life so all of the confusion I already had about my voice was compounded by expectations. Instead of letting my voice be what it was it had to have a label. And once it was labeled there were always the questions about what it was.

To further confuse my voice were the folks who thought I needed to sing like a black person (whatever that means). I already experienced judgement because I didn't talk like a black person (again, whatever that means). It just never made sense to me. I speak like ME and I sing like ME too.

Incidently, the singers we all know and love are those with a unique or authentic voice. Someone who speaks their truth in a way no one else can. Yet we rarely pursue that on our own, instead we try to copy those voices that do not belong to us.

So in conclusion, perhaps learning about ourselves can reveal more about our voices. The alternative is to let others define them for us. This can go a long way in not just singing or talking but also truly listening to our intuition and inner spirit.

Can you hear YOUR voice?

I Do, So I Teach

I've been undergoing a career transformation of sorts. After being let go from the third office job in a row, I started to feel a shift. This shift was encouraged by a visit to The Actor's Fund for career counseling. It is clear that right now performing doesn't pay all the bills so having a job to fill in the blanks is a necessity.

During my conversation with my career counselor she presented some options. She asked me with all sensitivity if performing is something I still wish to pursue, I said yes. Next, she offered a possible option. I know it should have seemed perfectly obvious that a parallel career is completely normal for performers but I was so sucked into the 9-5 vortex that it didn't occur to me.

Since 2007 in addition to the 9-5 job I teach a fine arts course online part time. Of all the 'non-performing' jobs I have had, this one doesn't leave me with fits of despair. Instead, I feel a sense of joy and fulfillment sharing my love for the arts with my students.

As a youth, teaching seemed undesirable largely due to the lack of positive teacher role models. I have had some pretty unsupportive teachers, with a few exceptions (whom I am extremely very grateful for). Because of those few exceptions, I try to pass on the gift they gave to others. It also didn't occur to me that I could be any good at teaching. As teaching began to cross my mind, I applied for a Teaching Fellows program twice, no luck. After graduate school I was accepted into a second Master's degree program in Early Childhood Music Education at Columbia University, but despite a $5,000 scholarship the tuition was still too high to absorb.

Besides, how does the saying go? Those who cannot do teach? I beg to differ...

I can do, and I do too! This is why I love to teach. If my passion for what I do as an artist wasn't apart of my life I wouldn't be able to teach at all. My love for the arts allows me to be passionate about what I teach. Believe me, they get it and thank me for it.

Thank you Sina!!! I started slow, but I ended up LOVING this class and started really getting interested in the arts!! - Scott S.

I just wanted to tell you that I have really enjoyed this class.  I'm bummed it is coming to an end! My desire is that I walk away from a class feeling like I gained new knowledge and I can really say that for this class! Thank you so much for being a part of my personal and academic growth!  - Elizabeth D.

I would like to thank you for being so understanding, I think you are one of the nicest instructors that have taught me how to open myself up to more culture.   - Renee L.

Within the last few months I have added two more online schools to my roster so I'll be doing alot more of my new or not so new parallel career. If only I was getting the 9-5 pay. Hopefully that will work itself out. Perhaps by doing more doing?