2013 Reflection - Wait and See!

My previous year end reflections have been filled with paragraph after paragraph of accomplishments. Reading them makes me dizzy. 

2013 started with a move from NYC to LA. I was less concerned with career or monetary gain and more concerned with nicer weather and a slower pace.

So much for slow.

I landed in LA.

Within two weeks I had a place to live, a car and a full time job. By spring I had my apartment all set up, although it's still purposely sparse.

The community building was and is the hardest part. Unlike NYC getting plugged into a community in LA is difficult. It's isolating and lonely, which is strange for me. Three months into my arrival I realized making friends was not going to happen. People in LA don't have the best follow up skills. So after last minute cancelled plans and folks plain ole ignoring my texts/calls, I started going solo. I took regular beach visits, hikes, and simply explored my new city.

Alone time was multiplied when I lost my full time job in September. Having a place to go everyday allowed me to feel apart of something and connect with people. Otherwise I could spend day after day as a crabby hermit. I haven't been without work for more than a month since I got out of college, so I thought a new job would materialize quickly. I thought wrong, four months later and I'm still without full time work.

The slower pace plus the loss of full time work created the perfect catalyst for spiritual and personal reflection.

I was forced to stop.

In NYC 16-18 hour days were normal. In addition to working a full time and part time job, I had rehearsals, classes or performances at night. That was beginning to happen in LA as well. 

The last few months have revealed more of myself than I thought possible. Portions of the belief system thrust upon me by others has been broken down. As a result, I feel even more free to be me, plus I'm making choices based on what I personally believe. I have been able to rest, not just sleep but moments where I can sit with a cup of tea and not think about the time or where I need to go in a hurry. I didn't even rest like this after surgery in 2006, I was preparing new songs to sing for auditions and performances.

I participated in the 21-day meditation challenge which has opened up the world of mediation to me. I have continued beyond the 21 days on my own which has been really helpful during this uncertain time. I'm at a point where I am willing to live with minimal material items in order to live a life of simplicity. I am also willing to reassess my goals as a performer (more on that later). This year has allowed me to simply reassess life. For the first time I cannot say what 2014 will bring because this journey has allowed me to start letting go of expectations.

I think I will just wait and see...